In a World Where People are Not Kind to Themselves - They Won't be Kind to You: notes on surviving a scandal
Dear world,
Here are my notes on surviving a scandal, I hope you never need them…
1. People who love you & rock with you- love you HARD through your troubled times. People who you thought were on your team, show themselves. I mean, they will show their whole ass and you will be grateful to now separate them from your life. The best way to find out who is who, is to go through something. It will show you who’s really on your team, who likes to gossip, who is not wishing you well, who is a busy body and also who could care less about your problems because they have problems of their own.
2. No one checks facts. Literally no one. Not even news sources that you would deem credible. Being first is much more valued than being correct. They are called news “stories” for a reason. As 2020 election nears, you’re going to want to be very vigilant on how you consume your news. Anyone can (and will) publish anything online. Get past the bait click headline and read sources, details. Ask yourself did they talk to anyone involved? Was any research done? or did they just get a few details and make a story? If you’re a football fan, think Tyreek Hill. Everyone was concerned with being first to talk about him and not so concerned with being correct.
3. Work colleagues are just that. People you work with. In no world will a work colleague stand up for you if their job is on the line. Not only will they not defend you, they will more often than not throw you under the bus if it saves them. You know that old saying, “if you die, your job will be posted the next day” - I see no lies.
4. Mug shots are awful, no one looks good in them, so if you ever have to take one, you should smile.
5. Don’t waste your breath trying to defend yourself, tell your side or prove a point. The court of public opinion will always believe what they want and you will not be able to change it even if you are 100% right, people believe what they want. People who talk about you, says more about them than it does about you. If people really gave it some thought, they would be happy that none of their private matters are handled on a public platform, but we live in a world that gossip is a billion dollar business. We also, sadly live in a world where people are not even kind to themselves, you shouldn’t expect them to be kind to you. Be remorseful, but also be kind to yourself.
6. It’s just a season, a fairly sucky one, but this too shall pass. Live. There’s no reason to go into hiding or be scared or ashamed or any of that, keeping doing your life. Allowing people to see how you handle being an imperfect human is a valuable part of your story.
7. It is impossible to shame a woman who is unashamed. Only you will know the truth and that will be the thing you need to stand on. Your truth. The lessons learned of self love and not caring about other people’s opinions will serve you well. Don’t take on someone else’s shame - that is fully their issue, not yours.
8. You will get a crash course in the legal system. The whole “innocent until proven guilty” isn’t really a thing. It is more like, this is what we THINK you did, so prove us wrong. Spend 30 seconds on google and you’ll find a number of wrongfully accused people. People who spent years of their life in jail for something they did not do. Get a good lawyer, even if you feel like you can’t afford one, a hired attorney is always going to fight harder for you then a court appointed one. Appointed attorney’s work for the state…
9. It seems as if the worst has happened and you are alone. You are not. You aren’t the first person to go through something and you will not be the last. Find your team and let them hold you down. Shouts out to my team- “You the Best” in my DJ Kahlid voice.
10. The only thing people like more than good gossip is a good comeback story. However, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Not about how you live, who you love, how you make money, who’s sleeping in your bed or why you stopped talking to someone. None of it. It’s all your choice of what you decide to share. Or not.
11. When it’s all said and done, when cases are closed, when all matters have been resolved-there won’t be any reporters calling, there won’t be a story at 4,5,6,9 and 10 because vindication is not nearly as exciting as alleged charges.
12. For me, in my line of work- all the extra attention and clicks generates revenue, so thanks (even if you were just there to be nosy and talk about me).
13. You will also find this determination to succeed like never before. It forces you to drill down and find a strength you didn’t know existed.
Lastly, no matter what you are going through - Believe me when I tell you, that what is ahead of you is so much greater than what is behind you!
With Love - Mikita
