My Love Life...not for public consumption.

Here’s why you won’t see any posts dedicated to “my guy”, me “booed up” or anything about my love life.

1. It’s none of your business. Which is the most odd thing for me to say. This girl, who openly shares so much about her life. I am purposely choosing not to share that part.

2. I don’t always know what I’m doing. Listen, I said “to death do us part” to my ex-husband and neither of us is dead. So... I would prefer to take my L’s in private. What does forever really mean? Honestly? My current life philosophy: “Everything ends, every single relationship you will ever have in your lifetime is going to end. I’ll die, you’ll die, you’ll get tired of each other. You don’t always know how it’s going to happen, but it is always going to happen. So stop trying to make everything permanent, it doesn’t work. I want you to go out there and find some nice man you have no intention of spending the rest of your life with and have some freaking fun. You can be very, very happy with people you aren’t going to marry.”

3. For his sake. It is my choice to be a “public figure” I don’t think he should have to have his privacy invaded because of how I post. To be honest, this was a lesson I learned in my last relationship. I posted a lot of our comings and going and him being a good guy in general and that still ended. Not that I regret our time together or the posts, because it was a significant chunk of my life; but some things should just be for us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m romantic and spontaneous and likely to post a picture on an island with a ring on my hand.

4. The way some of y’all are set up, you are still following him (my ex-boyfriend) and we haven’t been together in more than 2 years. So...yeah, it’s kind of set up for other women who don’t care about your relationship to find & reach out to him. If you are posting how good he is to you, the next woman is wondering if he would be just as good her.

5. So much of what people post is flat out bullshit or make believe. Seriously, I can show you a screen shot right now of a girl who posted her #ManCrushMonday and a screen shot of her "man" in my DM, about an hour later AND every other day after that. So what these men are not about to do is have me out here looking stupid. For example: I’m in a relationship, but he is out here acting real, real single. #ThatAintItChief 

6. Yes, I date; my relationship(s) are for me, not for social media. I don’t post him because I’m with him in real life. At some point you have to decide is this for us or for everyone to see. Let me be the first to tell you, not everyone is wishing you well and someone may know something you don’t and is more than happy to share that with you when they realize “he’s your man”. If you feel like your relationship needs social media validation, then that’s probably a different discussion.  

7. Be clear, my relationship(s) are private, not secret - HUGE difference. If you see us out, I (we) will say hello and continue on with our day. I’m not going to go hide under a table because I see someone I (we) know. 

 
For now, there are pictures but they stay on our camera rolls. 

Also, for the record, I am happily “auditioning” ... but unless you happen to see us out, you won’t know who he/they are. You may see an occasional “we” or a post where it is obvious I am not alone, but you won’t see any “look how in love we are” selfies. You won’t see him tagged and you won’t see his actual face where you can dive into his DM. Or where you can dive into my DM and spill tea about him. 

 Oh, and before you go looking through my social media feed - the dudes that comment the most are the ones trying to get my attention and probably not him/them. He/they are probably looking at the “read all” comment section and laughing or taking secret pleasure in the fact that they took the picture getting all the likes.

This is MY dating philosophy, based on this dating after 40, divorced, single Mom experience. If you have something working for you, by all means, do you but if you are new and want some advice...this is how to move. Because... #TheseHoes in my Drake voice. 

for me, not for y’all...